Spiritual
Psychology of Orgasm
Sexual energy is one of the most beautiful The fact that this energy varies greatly from person to person is perhaps a mystery but the whole point of Taoistic Sexual practices is seen in the cultivation and transformation of sexual energies. Where this energy is experienced also varies from person to person. Most people identify and concentrate their attention in their genitals and the release happens just there for them but that limits the very idea and pleasure of sex. The Heart of Sex has to take into account the whole, meaning the great variety of energy and passion people feel. Some people are highly oversexed and seem to have an inexhaustible supply that never seems to run dry. Others are so repressed that any orgasmic release depletes them running the energy down rather than up. Women have an entirely different problem to confront than men who are rarely known to go without orgasm for any length of time. Women on the other hand report in mass having orgasmic difficulties and some report never ever having one. The Psychology of Orgasm is universal though, meaning it applies equally well for both men and women despite the anatomical differences between male and female genitals. Orgasms in men and women are physiologically, psychologically and subjectively similar. Studies have been done in which "experts" could not reliably determine gender when reading descriptions of orgasms with all anatomical references removed. The reason behind these similarities is found in the most profound definition of orgasm of all; orgasm is the bliss of union. Though the whole trend and force behind modern sexuality is directed toward the satisfaction of orgasm, and despite the fact that both Tantra and Taoists prescribe anti-orgasmic policies (anti-ejaculation), The Heart of Sex embraces orgasm as a potentially cosmic event. Though for many reasons discussed elsewhere in this book that follow the Tantric and Taoist design, (i.e., the control of ejaculation Vs orgasm) orgasm itself is healthy and potentially capable of elevating our consciousness to new heights. On the lowest level orgasm (for the male) signals the end of lovemaking (for the moment) except in the case of a woman who is versed in the experience of multiple orgasms. But these women seem rare according to most reports. If we are going to end our lovemaking in a blinding flash of climax, then it might as well be a momentous occasion. Perhaps it is more intelligent to interpret part of the obsession the Taoists and Tantric people have with orgasm or ejaculation control as resisting the urge to orgasm only on lower thresholds of consciousness. The Heart of Sex though covers both sides of the question because each person has to follow their own heart and their own biological needs in this regard. There is though a secret to orgasm that we will discover in the Psychology of Bliss. In orgasm our energy comes to a surging peak. How surging and how satisfying depends on many factors. Orgasms vary from person to person and for each individual at different times. Sometimes orgasm is an explosive, amazing rush of sensations, while others are milder, subtler, and less intense. The differences in intensity of orgasms, on the surface, can be attributed to physical factors, such as fatigue and length of time since last orgasm, as well as to a wide range of psychosocial factors, including mood, relation to partner, activity, performance anxiety, expectations, and feelings about the experience. But as we shall see these psychosocial factors do not tell the whole story. Our very approach to sex itself, to life, and the very nature of our consciousness needs to be included in any formula that leads to greater orgasmic satisfaction. The
more intense the orgasm Some people who are practiced sexually report having weak orgasms and others who are dysfunctional in one way or another can send themselves to the moon and back in their orgasms. The more the energy piles up inside of us the deeper or greater the urge to orgasm becomes but what happens inside of our consciousness at such a moment is critical. Many people have taught the need to creatively channel our sexual energies and of course this is a good idea. It is helpful, when approaching the psychology of orgasm, to see it as a climax of our energies that have other forms, pleasures and uses below the level of energetic crisis. It is also essential to see our energies and passions as creative potentials. At the red level we have physical climax, on the heart level we have an emotional one, and in the imagination we can explode our consciousness out into space and bliss out on that. In
orgasm we can plant the seed, we can send We have seven chakras though typical orgasms are experienced primarily only on the first one. And thus modern day sexologists tend to concentrate their definitions there. Simply put, orgasm, for them, is the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region that produce intensely pleasurable sensations followed by rapid relaxation. The most characteristic physical feature of orgasm is the sensation produced by the simultaneous rhythmic contractions of the pubococcygeus muscle (pc muscle), along with contractions of the anal sphincter, rectum and perineum, the uterus and outer third of the vagina for women, and the ejaculatory ducts and muscles around the penis for men. The first few contractions are intense and close together, occurring at about 0.8-second intervals. As orgasm continues, the contractions diminish in intensity and duration and occur at less frequent intervals. This is the primary definition of orgasm, the release of built-up muscle tension resulting from sexual activity. Yet even though these contractions can also be throughout the body it is usually seen sourced primarily in the genital regions. Without doubt people universally find these muscular contractions extremely pleasant. In both men and women, an orgasm is sometimes accompanied with the release of ejaculatory fluid though ejaculation is much more usual in men than it is in women. Only about 10 percent of women report ejaculating during orgasm. But none of these definitions addresses the fact that orgasm is not some event that is happening ‘just’ in the nervous system or in the genital organs. Orgasm is an expression of the potential for inconsumable bliss in our beings that are housed only temporarily in the physical vehicle of consciousness. Tantra and Taoism teach us to restrain the ejaculation and the primarily pelvic contractions by pulling the energy up and spreading it around the entire body to effect what they call the full body orgasm. They are concentrating on the body and the potential for energy that can surge upward and overtake the entire sense of self. There are a few natural substances (drugs) that can provide this experience but they cannot compete with what happens when our own internal energies rise and crest in our consciousness. But on deeper levels each chakra has the capacity for orgasm. On the social second chakra comes the feeling of deep love of the other, of fellowship and the feeling of even being able to love ones enemy The third intellectual chakra goes “Ah Ha” with insight, the fourth security or heart center feels richly blessed with that feeling that one has it all made. It is that secure feeling of having everything so one has no needs. The throat chakra bliss’s out on devotion, the sixth chakra feels the joy of endless possibilities and the crown charka’s orgasm triggers the feeling that one is well blessed and that God is well pleased with us. This all suggests that some deeper factors are involved in the satisfaction we take from ‘sexual’ orgasm. People who are more ‘alive’ on other levels of consciousness, who are open to feeling bliss on these other levels will certainly feel more in orgasm. The body itself, and what happens in it, even in moments of climax, mirrors what we are doing with our consciousness on all levels of being. Sex is the force, the life force of life. Move into it with your center. Let it surround and embrace you, surrender all resistance. Let it flow and rise through your chakras to the crown and feel your cosmic antenna spinning. You are a light being as well as a physical one. Of course we must have compassion for the psychologists who do not want to understand the nature of the human vehicle of consciousness. That we have a light and rainbow body (see Color Psychology in book three of the Marriage of Souls) and that we can circulate our sexual energies through it, through the chakras which are the primary pump stations of our consciousness, might come as a surprise to those whose main identification and obsession is with the flesh or the mind. Instead of spreading our energies around the entire body to effect what they call the full ‘body’ orgasm, we can trigger our internal organism to ecstatic experience on many levels of being. Any sexology that does not define humanity as something more than a physical beast will limit your knowledge and experience of what sex is about. Knowing and working with our light body, especially within the context of lovemaking, opens up a universe of feelings and experience that simply were not assessable to Pavlov and his dog. Nor to other psychologists who insist on remaining within the boundaries of science and thus the sensual physical universe of being which they can measure through experimentation and statistical analysis. Even Cognitive Psychology, which concentrates so much in the mind, cannot see past its own limits to the full range of experience that can occur in our beings. What all satisfying orgasms have in common is a fullness of experience. The river flows and we feel bliss, a reward, and a deep satisfaction that all is well. What is it that gives us this experience and why do we crave it so? One of the deepest answers we can find is in the fact that the craving for bliss and fulfillment are among the deepest drives in human beings. From deep in our unconscious minds this craving surfaces and is expressed in people’s incessant attempt to seek and possess external tokens of happiness. Sexuality is the place where this deep inner motive gets expressed because for most people orgasm offers a taste of temporary bliss. Sexual orgasm is set up in most people’s minds as a place of fulfillment for it does offer a time out from our normal state of consciousness. Later in this book, and throughout The Marriage of Souls series, much attention is spent on the theme of oneness Vs separation. With these subjects we enter into the real heart of orgasm and sex because we enter into what Freud called the contrary tensions between Eros and Thantos, the instincts toward life and death and his concept of libido, which is the life force or the energy of the self-sense that manifests through Eros and Thantos. Orgasm itself can be seen as a mini death which builds in intensity the stronger the orgasm is. But what is it that dies at the moment of climax? And what is it that flows through our awareness and overtakes us in the moment of peak excitement? The heart of the pleasure we feel during orgasm is accompanied by a loss of our normal sense of self or self-sense. In orgasm, especially in intense orgasmic ecstasy, we forget ourselves and this is pleasurable! As we build up the sexual energies the yin and yang forces inside of us come closer and closer to balance, and in the moment where we let go, a vast current flows through and overtakes us. This only happens though when we let go of ourselves, and the greater the let go the greater the bliss from riding intense currents of energy. When our ego (self sense) dissolves we merge with something greater than ourselves and this is the bliss of union. This is the essence of the psychology of pleasure, the bliss we feel when we forget ourselves. This is as true in sex as it is in sports or any human activity that leads us to forget about our self and all the thoughts that constantly flow through our minds. Some have called this pleasure “flow” and it can overtake us in the intensity of working at what we like or when we are challenged to the extreme limits of our capacity. When something extra is demanded of us we have to drop our limits (ego) and rely on something deeper inside. Whenever we take our bodies to their limit in sports, or in the throws of intense physical pleasure and climax, our egos dissolve. This makes sense for in reality our thoughts are not really pleasurable and the constant sense of self or feelings of ‘self consciousness’ are heavy loads we just get used to. Anything that offers us a conduit away from this is perceived as pleasurable. The instinctive and compulsive urge to orgasm is based around the experience that for one brief instant, at the moment of climax, people forget themselves and experience a oneness not only with their partner (especially if they are having the experience at the same time) but with the totality of themselves and the universe around them. In orgasm our ego or ‘self-consciousness’ disappears in a flash. The surge of energy that comes with orgasm is strong enough to momentarily blot out our obsession with self though the more dysfunctional we get the shorter and shallower is the experience. The only thing that blocks us from the blissful feeling of oneness with the entirety of creation is the inability to forget ourselves. So anything that offers us even a moment of this experience is highly desirable and sort after. This is a great part and reason why we have such a strong urge to orgasm. What is not known is that the feeling of oneness is the real purpose of the sexual drive. In the ultimate sense spirituality is the search for the ultimate orgasm in which the separation of the self-sense is discharged. At lower levels of human expression this search is an unconscious drive manifesting externally at the level of the physical body in the form of ego power, aggression and physical orgasm. The release of permanent bliss at the higher level is, at the physical level, the temporary bliss of sexual release. These spaces and feelings of oneness are not abstract or theoretical. They are not a space or and experience separate from our feelings. In actuality it is we experiencing the deepest parts of ourselves. The whole universe, so to speak, the hologram of life, the background cosmic light that floods every centimeter of space, is all inside of each and every one of us just waiting to be experienced. And all of this good stuff is sitting just beyond the locked door of the ego. There is a great deal of difference between the kind of lovemaking that understands this and works toward this realization and the common lust many feel for the flesh. For most people orgasm is the only expression of need for this experience of oneness. The deep longing for oneness is intensely powerful and logged deep within the unconscious that comes to our conscious awareness only in our desire for orgasm. Those
who experience sex primarily in the bodily sensation will never even know the higher
levels they are missing, but unconsciously they will begin to compensate and to seek more
and more through the senses for the greater thing that they crave. They go farther and
farther away from their goal, because they cannot see that they will never find outside
themselves the deep inner space they are seeking. Common sexual pleasure and orgasm provide us what seems like the easiest way to cut through our ego-knot. Sexual addiction or constant masturbation can be seen as compulsory urges to get away from it all meaning the urge to get away from a painful sense of self (ego.) Sex and orgasm become addictive when it offers the only road to pleasure or when life in general becomes too painful. But as most people have discovered sex and orgasm offer only temporary moments of escape for there is no escape from life and how we feel about it. Sexual orgasm balances our internal energies and gives us a taste of the pleasure of feeling oneness or that space beyond the ego. But this is nothing compared to the ultimate orgasm which flows constantly through us giving us a permanent experience of the primordial life force. Such a person lives in a state of heighten passion, their creative ‘juices’ flow and life is one of inspiration. Living so close to the source, when they do make love their pleasure can be even more ecstatic. Freud emphasized that repression is the foundation of psychological problems meaning that if something in our minds makes us uncomfortable and we do not want to cope with it, we will choose to ignore or forget about it. This does clear the way for us to move onto something else, but the price for this is that part of our psychic energy must be expended to resist the suppressed idea or experience and keep it out of consciousness. What has been repressed returns to consciousness in the form of physical, emotional or mental symptoms. What is not consciously admitted into awareness erupts in obsessive ways bringing those very qualities it tried to avoid. This is mentioned here because any kind of repression affects our sexuality and our ability to move deeply into orgasmic ecstasy. Repression works against our sexuality directly, or at least against its depth and quality. Repression is our attempt to escape from life but it does not work in our favor. It chokes off passion and uses up energy. It cuts us off from our creativity and taps directly into our kundalini or life sex force. Passion is the intensity of life, imagination the creativity. Without intensity, a passion, where is our love for life. The
saints were the most passionate, full of love, over-brimming with devotion whose root is
the fire, Sex the seed, the polarity, Sex itself is perceived by people as the most intense pathway to instant pleasure but, as most of us have found out, there are many things about life, sexuality and long term relationships that complicate this to no end. The more separate we are or feel, the more we will be into physical flesh consciousness, the more we will identify with the ‘irresistible’ urge toward orgasm. The catch 22 of sex is that the more we sink into the physical the weaker our orgasms become in comparison to what they could be. When we reach the state of consciousness where we feel at one with the whole, with nature and everything in it, then we begin to approach our true orgasmic potentials represented by states of passion and bliss. The closer we come to our natural state the stronger the flow of energy the deeper the passion and when we do have an orgasm the more powerful they come. The more intense the orgasm becomes the higher the experience of bliss. Tantra has always been the path of deepening the bliss through harnessing or riding the energies to higher and higher levels. The direction is away from the flesh into the spirit without rejection of our physical selves, refraining from ejaculation of the physical seed, conserving the energy and channeling it up to the higher centers of consciousness. The problem with seeking deeper fulfillment and bliss through orgasm is seen in the following statistics. The average sexually active person is known to experience orgasmic ecstasy for about twenty seconds a week, thus eighty seconds a month or only about eighteen minutes a year. This is based on an orgasm lasting about ten seconds. So in fifty years we have the great pleasure and experience of bliss of a whopping total of fifteen hours. When we addict ourselves to orgasm for sure we can increase these numbers through more frequent lovemaking or masturbation. But even if we multiply these numbers by a hundred times orgasm cannot provide by itself what we are really looking for in life. Yet it seems like the golden carrot and we even let it interfere with the depth and length of our lovemaking. The general tendency toward goal orientation in society is mirrored forcefully in most people’s sexuality. Goal oriented, flesh based, orgasmic sexuality does not fulfill anyone for ever and in fact leads to problems outside the bedroom doors. Lovemaking as a Meditation. We do this by adoration of God, the realization of our own pure consciousness in the act of lovemaking, for God is the source of our sexuality. We can do this by bringing beauty and healing into our union remembering that we reap joy or pain depending on our motive for doing things. We can do this by lying with our partner with a melting heart dissolving our ego with love as we look deeply into their eyes and being. We can sense the secret thrill of God as the height of consciousness vibrating through our own and our partners being for in the heart we are now one. It always feels warm and real and we feel the tears draw near as our beings open to one another. Tenderly we touch, heart to heart, being to being, soul to soul. The essence of Tantra leads us away from the orgasm but rewards us with potentially hours of loving bliss. When lovemaking becomes something of a meditation, one most high and most pleasurable in nature, we can use the pleasure and the love to bathe our beings in, meaning we use the love and pleasure currents to short circuit the normally busy mind. But in this we need to swim against the orgasmic current that looks too quickly to short circuit our egos in a blinding flash. Ejaculatory orgasm gives us a taste of bliss, the yogi or successful Tantric couple knows it as a continuous bubbling up inside. In Yoga this bubbling is called kundalini, which is a Sanskrit word for fiery energy or fiery consciousness. Thus many yogis and saints were actually highly sexual beings yet their energies were not focused on the physical level. Love is Pleasure What is bliss really but intense pleasure? The more intense the pleasure or the longer a lower intensity of pleasure goes on, the deeper and more profound our sense of bliss is. The Psychology of Pleasure combined with The Psychology of Orgasm takes us to the Psychology of Bliss. Though the ordinary person can ‘bliss out’ in a blinding flash of orgasm, bliss is a word that generally is reserved for deeper and more constant states of experience, thus the definition of bliss as either intense or prolonged pleasure. Orgasm itself, and the different levels of experience it can occur on, takes us to the heights of bliss if we can only grasp that what happens in orgasm mimics a very common cosmic process which is at the heart of Freud’s concept of libido. On the most common level, where we see orgasm as the bliss of union, this union and release of ecstatic energy happens any time two complementary and opposite forces join, annihilate themselves, fuse themselves as one, thus becoming a new third force or entity. We see this when the sperm fertilizes the egg. We even see this when sodium and chlorine come together to make salt. It can happen internally in orgasm when we masturbate and our own male and female energies join. Sitting at the heart or central nucleus of all creation is a cosmic fire that naturally and spontaneously ignites when beings (or elements) come together in union. Kundalini and libido both speak of that force that rises to a peak when we join our energies internally within ourselves or externally with others. In
orgasm we can send our consciousness out What and whom we join with determines the depth and breath of our bliss of union. Making love with a dear one is certainly more blissful than either masturbation or sex with a prostitute. The more we love someone the greater is the bliss when we join with him or her. And the more loving the other person is, and the more they love us, the deeper is the bliss and experience of the return energy that wraps us into a ball of love. This is one of the reasons why we can say that perfect love leads to perfect sexuality, so who we make love to does matter if we are looking for the heights of bliss in our sexuality and in our life in general. When
there is love between two people What is divine worship? It is the shaping of our worth on all levels of being. In this chapter, though, we are concentrating on orgasm and how we can shape its worth into something truly climatic. And in the process use it to set the conditions not only for the development of our beings but also for the beautification of our sexuality. The more beautiful we become the deeper our enjoyment and the deeper we utilize our sexual energies. We
can purify the act of lovemaking What is not commonly known is that we can make love to God when we make love to another and that the inner attitude that leads us to do this can trigger the biggest bang we might experience in sex. Its analogous to the difference of making love to a prostitute and the one we love. Or deeper, it’s the difference between making love to the one we love with our consciousness on their flesh and making love to the seed fire that sits at the heart of the universe and at the heart of the soul of our lover. The difference is seen in where or what we put our consciousness on during lovemaking and at the moment of climax. If we consecrate our sexual orgasm to the glory of the one pure consciousness that sits like a background behind all things, if that is the yin to our yang, the energy released and the depth of it will be highly enhanced. In the bliss of union what we are uniting with makes all the difference. Uniting with the body of our lover releases a lower octave of energy and triggers a lower level of bliss than when we unite with their heart, being and soul. To
make love to God is one thing, if we look on God So if we are into breeding bliss in our lives it matters what we put our consciousness on. The God Christopher speaks of here is nothing other than our most high and pure self that gets experienced automatically when we let go of the ego which casts a dark shadow across our consciousness. Sexual orgasm on the physical level does open a doorway but in and of itself does not provide the ultimate in orgasmic experience. We need to prepare the other levels to receive our energies and that is why the unprepared soul must beware when practicing kundalini yoga. Such preparation is not the subject of this book but is the basic playing field of The Marriage of Souls. The Second Coming of Pure Love speaks of a depth and fire of love, which when combined with our sexual potentials, unleashes the cosmic orgasm of love. Making love with a soul partner, and consecrating that union to the highest vision of love, unleashes something truly beautiful in our world that will radiate out to others around us. And this all comes when we can find the will and way to end our obsessions with the flesh and begin to concentrate on love itself. On other things like communication and listening, which feed love, and on meditations that lead us to identify with what is highest in us. Between pure spiritual orgasm, which unleashes our sense of self back to the oneness of love and the lowest level of orgasm which flashes through our groins and central nervous system fits the concept of sexual magic. When we enter
into lovemaking as a spiritual practice we can channel the energies into our imagination, Anything
that we put into our imaginations Sexual magic is different from Tantra and Taoism. Part of the essence goal of sexual magic is to build the orgasmic potential for the reason of harnessing the creative energy released. Sexual magicians understood that at the moment of sexual crisis we forget ourselves, and our obsession with self, and that this temporary blocking out of self-consciousness releases the unlimited power of libido, the creative life force. Though many who have walked this path fall down the dark side of the force they were barking up the right tree. For in sexual climax, whatever image is held in the self will be intensified with the creative life force released. If this image is pure love we hold for our lover or for life and humanity itself we will take a leap in our evolution because our orgasm will lead us toward more loving and inclusive consciousness. If the image is pornographic or just the image of a physical body which we are lusting after, the release will take us downward and reinforce our ego separateness, our identity of ourselves as a body different and apart from the other. Lovemaking
provides an excellent opportunity Magic itself depends on the seventh chakra, on willful manipulations of the imagination for its effects. The imagination is the creative level of mind and its strength and effectiveness depends on the quantity of energy flowing through it and on how well we can concentrate that energy. Pure concentration depends on ego dissolution and this is widely available during sexual climax. Metaphysicians have always known that the image makes the condition or that whatever we hold steady in our imaginations will manifest in life eventually. Sexual magic is dangerous only as far as our intent is dark. So when mixed with lust for the flesh the temptation to fall onto the dark side is basically irresistible. Lovemaking
is a sacred act. It is Divine Magic. But sexual magic offers us a counterbalancing pathway from Tantra and Taoism. Yes we can do sexual magic as we raise the energy and avoid orgasm and ejaculation but we can do some magic when we do come. We can realize vastly positive effects in terms of spiritual evolution that brings deeper life fulfillment in the future. Yes living a thousand years (the ultimate goal of Taoist Sexuality, see chapter on The Foundation of Youth) translates into life prolongation and greater health, but intentional creative orgasmic release, sexual magic, can thrust us also toward the same goal. We can increase the overall quality of our life as we increase the overall quality of orgasmic release. The full realization of this counterbalances the guilt that sometimes comes with ejaculation that Taoist and Tantra preview. Several great men in history have reported that ejaculation brings a downward movement of energy, a loss of will and spirit. Though temporary it is important to see how the opposite can be realized and maximized. And for modern man it is important to find the balance between what is comfortable and natural and what requires some discipline. There is a direct relationship between our passion, creativity and sexual energy. In reality they are all forms of the same thing, forms of energy. The imagination or crown chakra is responsible for putting the energy into form and those forms direct our consciousness in ways dependent on the images we hold and create there. People who are limp, without sexual energy are normally lame in the passion department and equally lame with their creativity. Education is famous for boring the creative energy out of children and the repression of sexual energy hammers in the nail on this. When we say that children have sexuality it is more accurate to say that before we negatively condition them with our own emotional, intellectual, conceptual and sexual hang-ups, they are normally surging with life force, with life energy that seeks expression in both the creative arts and in physical and social activity. The kundalini just bubbles up endlessly through them to their own joy. There are two ways of looking at orgasm. There is joint orgasm, when two energy and being systems come together and explode their energies together and then we have the individual nature of our orgasm. The fact that few people actually climax together in full body and spiritual orgasm is a testament to the need for work in this area. Though the mainstream teachings of Tantra and Taoism indicate the great advantage of avoiding ejaculatory orgasm, and the movement into what they call full body orgasm, they are missing out on some important points about the actual climax. The ancients are not around today, they have no idea of the condition of modern man and modern women. There is no getting away from the reality that people today are orgasm conscious. They both want and need and take great pleasure from orgasm. So if we are going to have them we might as well have terrific ones and put them to great use. It is important to note that at the moment of orgasm, and in sexual intercourse in general, we are vulnerable to the energies and life force of our lover. Our sexualities are bringing us together into a cosmic exchange of energies that comes to a climax in orgasm. It is at this moment when the energy exchange is maximized, and in this union, if love is present, more love will be born. It is at this moment, most dramatic when joint orgasm is achieved, that we mix our energies profoundly, and for a moment, one being becomes the other and visa versa.
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